I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
