: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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