Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
