when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
