If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
