By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
