the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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