mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you traded sex for a burrito?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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