ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
