Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
