My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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