I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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