fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
