Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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