YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
