I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
