I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
