is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
