so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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