Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
