forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
