I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
