Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
