I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
