I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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