i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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