i just sent this text using only my big toe
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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