Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
