omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
