hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We had sex on a dog bed..
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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