I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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