Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
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I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
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Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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