South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Drunk is not a location!
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