i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
