i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
