dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
