can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
