Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
