Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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