Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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