bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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