Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
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It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
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I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize