I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
