We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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