so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Randomize
