Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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