If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
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i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
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don't judge my taste in strippers
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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