Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
would you consider him our boss?
then technically i slept with our boss
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Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
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I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.