she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
