why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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