once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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