so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
where are my eyebrows?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
