I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wish I could teleport
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
