I wish i was in the wii world.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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