He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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