The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
