it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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