Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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