Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
