apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
