Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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