I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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