Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
